Information for inquirers about sexually expressed boy/older male relationships. Since 15 August 2009, there have been 57730 visits to this page. [Printable version]
Since 15 August 2009, there have been 57730 visits to this page.
Generally perceived wisdom is saturated with misinformation concerning sexually expressed boyhood relationships with older males, also known as "boylove." Some of these fallacies originate in academia from victimologically oriented social scientists and are then foisted upon the public by print and electronic media. Additional sources are religion and other superstitions, unfounded folk lore, various so-called "child protection" groups and organizations, including the operatives who profit from the lucrative "child sex abuse industry." There are also "youth rights," "child love," and similar factions who confuse and conflate the core issues of boylove with these other matters, making sometimes specious claims and posting confrontational "manifestos" that serve no useful purpose. Even web sites and forums purportedly supporting boylove provide sometimes mixed and questionable messages.
This presentation is intended to refute the current myths, superstition, misinformation, exaggeration, and outright lies; to avoid the clutter of irrelevant tangential matters; and instead to address the foundational issues of boylove by offering rational and reasonable facts, sensible observations, and references to research which is free from victimological biases.
What is boylove?In the broadest sense, boylove is the bilateral and reciprocal attraction between a boy and an older male, i.e., the love of a prepubertal or early adolescent boy FOR an older male, as well as the love of such a boy BY an older male; the latter typically manifested in a desire to responsibly protect, provide for, and mentor the boy. These attractions, by definition, have at least a latent sexual component which may or may not be actively expressed by mutual consent.[more]
Click on the following additional questions to scroll down to their answers.
Are boylove and pedophilia the same thing?
How many boylovers are there?
Do all relationships between boys and boylovers involve sex?
Are boys psychologically harmed by sexually expressed relationship with older males?
Is a prepubescent boy capable of enjoying sex?
Can boys consent to sex?
How long do sexually expressed relationships between boys and boylovers last?
Are boylovers homosexuals?
Do boys who are sexually involved with older males become homosexuals?
Is boylove a mental illness?
Are all boylovers the same?
Why are all incidents of sexually expressed boy/older male experiences reported in the media as "crimes?"
Why do some websites and forums seem to address boy/older male sexuality in rather insensitive and offensive ways?
Are boylove and pedophilia the same thing?"Pedophilia" derives from Greek words describing the nonsexual love of a child of either gender by any older person. However, in everyday use it has been corrupted into a pejorative descriptor for those - principally males - who force their sexual attentions on unwilling children, and who are perhaps more correctly described as "molesters" or "predators." Such irresponsible behaviors are the complete opposite of those of the responsible boylover. [more] [Return to top of page]
How many boylovers are there?The short answer is that nobody knows. Some research indicates that as many as 30% of adult males exhibit a sexual response to boys, although they may never act on that attraction. Surveys have found that some 17% of males had one or more sexual encounters as boys with an older person, most often another male, which amounts to some 20 million when applied to US census numbers of males 15 and older. Other research indicates that the average sexually active boylover is involved over his lifetime with three boys, which indicates nearly 7 million boylovers in the US alone. These are admittedly very tenuous figures, but they seem to indicate that the overwhelming majority of sexually expressed boy/older male relationships are known only to the two principals, with very few ever coming to the attention of authorities. [more] [Return to top of page]
Do all relationships between boys and boylovers involve sex?No, research indicates that some 1/3 of self-identified boylovers refuse, for one reason or another, to allow sex to develop with boys, another 1/2 restrict themselves to situations in which the boy encourages the contact, while only about 1/6 unilaterally encourage or actively promote sex, with any form of coercion being extremely rare. [more] [Return to top of page]
Are boys psychologically harmed by sexually expressed relationship with older males?There is no valid empirical evidence that such relationships are intrinsically harmful to the boy, so long as they are consensual. Any harm that occurs either is because the boy did not consent and was assaulted; or is the result of cultural taboos which generate inappropriate reactions by parents, teachers, social workers, police, the judiciary, etc. [more] [Return to top of page]
Is a prepubescent boy capable of enjoying sex?While boys cannot ejaculate until they reach puberty, they are capable of erections at birth. Self-stimulation is common, and even masturbation to "dry" orgasm. Boys typically investigate one another's genitals, this may involve mutual manual or oral (rarely anal) stimulus. Boys tend not to attach emotional significance to sexual activities; for them these satisfy curiosity and are simply pleasurable games which may continue well into adolescence. It is not uncommon for a boy to seek out a knowledgeable older male for information and cooperation in his investigations and games. [more] [Return to top of page]
Can boys consent to sex?There are widely divergent opinions on what constitutes consent, about different levels of consent, and if children can give consent. One concept is that of the fully informed consent required for entering into binding contracts, etc. Another is that of simple willingness, i.e., does the boy "want to" do something that has no real consequences. There is no valid evidence that sexual exploration with another party has consequences other than those invented and imposed by society. Therefore there are no reasons why a boy cannot be willing, and thus give meaningful consent, to engage in such activities. [more] [Return to top of page]
How long do sexually expressed relationships between boys and boylovers last?Research indicates that some 27% last for less than one year, 26% for one through two years, 25% for three through five years, 11% for greater than five years, and the rest for life. Generally speaking, in later adolescence these transition to a nonsexual adult friendship. [more] [Return to top of page]
Are boylovers homosexuals?Homosexuality is a very muddled area, with a plethora of competing definitions. Some boylovers portray themselves as gay while others reject the label, and there are all sorts of qualifiers and variations in these self-descriptions. [more] [Return to top of page]
Do boys who are sexually involved with older males become homosexuals?There is no credible evidence of any "cause and effect" between boyhood sexual explorations and adult homosexuality. Some of those who claim to be "gay" believe that they were aware of this supposed orientation in their boyhood, but this does not constitute causality. [more] [Return to top of page]
Is boylove a mental illness?The medical community does not recognize or address boylove as such. "Pedophilia" at one time was specifically listed as a mental illness by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), but currently is in a sort of limbo. [more] [Return to top of page]
Are all boylovers the same?There have been attempts to differentiate "types" of boylovers. One of these uses seven "classes" of "self-identified boy-attracted pedosexual males," ranging from those who choose not to have sex with boys under any circumstances through those who will only engage in sex with the boy's encouragement, through those who will unilaterally promote sex, and ending with those rare few who employ force to obtain sex. [more] [Return to top of page]
Why are all incidents of sexually expressed boy/older male experiences reported in the media as "crimes?"Under the current statutes in most Western countries, every such experience, even if the boy insists that he consented to, encouraged, or even initiated it, is a criminal act on the part of the older partner. The media headlines this "vile crime," thus adding to the public hysteria, encouraging more invasive enforcement and Draconian punishments, influencing legislation, and reinforcing the vicious circle. One of the frequent side effects is that in the vigorous efforts to convince the boy that he has been "harmed," he is traumatized by his parents, the police, the judicial system, and the media, but then this trauma is blamed instead on the relationship. [more] [Return to top of page]
Why do some websites and forums seem to address boy/older male sexuality in rather insensitive and offensive ways?The Internet tends to be populated by extroverts who sometimes use revolting and abrasive tactics to draw attention to their agendas, and this is no less true in the world of boylove. Keep in mind that those boylovers who participate on the Internet are a minuscule fraction of a percent of the above postulated seven million in the US alone. Beyond that, those who post grossly objectionable ideas and observations on boylove sites are at most a small portion of that minuscule fraction. So these "shock jocks" represent practically no one but themselves, and might be compared to street hoodlums who make obscene remarks to passing females. However, since most of these sites respect First Amendment rights, only those individuals who clearly violate the law are likely to be restricted. It is probable that the majority of boylovers would prefer that these effronteries not be permitted, but there is no practical way to prevent them from being posted. [more] [Return to top of page]